Driving a car is easy. We all know how it works once we’ve passed our tests and for the most of us our quality of driving only gets better with experience, kind of like a fine wine or a well-matured cheddar.
On the other hand, some of us can pick up cringeworthy motoring habits that make all other road users shake their heads and tut in disapproval. To help motorists avoid picking up these habits, we’ve decided to shed some light on the 10 types of driver that nobody wants to be.
If you have ever sat behind the wheel and taken on one of the following driver personas, let us know in the comments section below!
The Unwanted Roadblock
Traffic is backlogged in the oncoming lane for some reason but you don’t care, your lane is completely empty. You indicate right because you need to turn into your road but, uh-oh, someone’s decided to wait in stationary traffic over the entrance.
Mr or Mrs Roadblocker, we commend you for your on-going need to cease all traffic just because your own lane is backed up. You’re not going anywhere fast so why should anyone else? You are the unwanted roadblock!
The 50/50 Driver
Today you’re feeling fairly average, neither in a slow nor a fast mood. No, this isn’t the start of a cheap horoscope but instead the assumed mentality of a middle-lane motorway hog that enjoys driving in perfect symmetry.
Using the middle lane is fine but move over when there is no one in front of you please. Unless you are shooting a Top Gear segment it’s a ridiculous sight to see a hatchback in the middle lane and no one in front of them.
Bad news for middle-lane meanderers too: the government have increased on-the-spot fines from £60 to £100 for motorway lane hogs, plus three points might I add.
The Usain Slow
Yes, you might be quick off the mark like a drag racer but your top speed is more like a lawnmower, oh and you just cut me up to make me suffer with your slowness.
Drivers that force themselves to join a road whilst a car that is clearly within collision distance approaches are annoying enough – even worse when there is clearly no traffic behind the upcoming vehicle.
If you’re going to pull in front of someone that fast, don’t bail out on the rest of your drive. At least get up to road speed instead of sitting around 20mph and making the driver behind wish that they could do a Sebastian Vettel.
The See-Saw Undertaker
I am sure that all motorists are guilty of undertaking someone at least once in their motoring lives but the one that is inexcusable is the undertaker that can’t quite commit to undertaking.
Picture the scene: you are driving in the middle lane of a motorway but the car in front is stopping you from continuing, the right lane is stuffed with traffic and the left lane is what you wanted to overtake in the first place.
In the periphery of your left eye you see a car gaining and getting ahead of you, then after a second it’s gone. It re-appears moments after and then like magic it has fallen back into the view of your far side mirror. This, my motoring readers, is the See-saw Undertaker.
The Motorcyclist with Four Wheels
The evening sun is sinking into the horizon and visibility is getting low so headlight driving is a must. You catch the sight of a single headlamp coasting over the lane-dividing lines and advancing quickly in your rear view mirror so you prepare to be overtaken by a set of leathers with a full-face helmet.
As the rest of the vehicle comes into view, you notice that what you first thought was a motorcycle is in fact a car with only one working headlight. Replacing a bulb is easy and not worth getting pulled over for by the Police so stop mimicking a motorbike and let there be light!
The Phantom Indicator
Click, clack, click, clack, click, clack – a distinct rhythm that would grab your attention whilst you’re behind the wheel unless you are distracted by loud music, a phone conversation or some other shiny thing. What you might have somehow forgotten is that your indicator light is still on.
Meanwhile the driver behind has watched you pass several roads that you could have potentially been signalling to turn into – a kind of indicator roulette that following motorists are being forced to play. It’s not as if the car gives you enough warning, what with its flashing lights and clicky-clacky noises, right?
The Flat and the Famous
If you manage to avoid getting a tyre puncture in your entire driving lifetime then the achievement alone is commendable. Unfortunately, it is a common problem made worse by those who don’t seem to notice that they’re driving on a flat until the rim starts to kiss the road.
If a random motorist is waving their arms and catching up to you, don’t flatter yourself. You haven’t become an overnight celebrity (as much as you’d love to be). The likelihood is that you’ve got a puncture or something seriously wrong with your car and everyone is letting you know about it for the safety of other drivers. Pull over somewhere safe and check it out.
The Parking Space Thief
On a full day, the typical car park is frustrating enough as you ascend through a whirlwind of concrete ramps until you find an empty space. On the odd occasion, you are lucky enough to find someone leaving so you decide to wait for them to complete their manoeuvre before occupying the space yourself.
What you never expect is a speedy driver ¬ primed and ready to snag that parking space before you’ve even laid a toe on the accelerator. As much as you’d love to seek justice for this act of greed, you know that realistically there is nothing you can do. Word of warning to those Parking Space Thieves: you never know when a Walter White could be seeking payback for bad manners so be courteous.
The Manoeuvre Space Invader
Whilst we’re on the topic of car parks, one of the most frustrating situations can be when you are trying to reverse or carry out a three-point turn whilst holding up traffic because its all eyes on you – a great pressure test.
What doesn’t make it any easier is when someone with personal space issues decides to edge forward into the space you need to complete your manoeuvre. No one likes a space invader!
The Queue Jumper
Unless you are trying to join a lane as a traffic jam begins, queue jumping is not acceptable. On a motorway you can clearly see if the lane you want is jammed from way back so join it as soon as you see the tail end.
No one likes to let the guy in who zips down to the front of the traffic jam and bullies their way in. We are a nation that queues in an orderly fashion so get to the back of the line or go home.